Wednesday, July 25, 2012

july 25

july 25 by Mylittlefetish
july 25, a photo by Mylittlefetish on Flickr.

july 24

july 24 by Mylittlefetish
july 24, a photo by Mylittlefetish on Flickr.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Works in progress

Wednesday! Time for the list of things I'm working on...mostly because it's a way to distract me from the things I SHOULD be working on but don't want to.

  • FIGS! The fig tree I remember from my childhood has started producing again...not tons..but enough! So every afternoon, I go pick figs. By the time the next morning rolls around they're all gone because the kids LOVE them! 
  • I've got to put the finishing touches on a sign I made for my favorite campground Whispering Oaks. My long time friends own and run it..and they have this teeeeeeennnny sign that people coming in can barely find. Since we're visiting this weekend, I wanted to make them one they could have for years to come. Pics when I can get them up! They've also been visited by tragedy in the form of lightning hitting their mess hall and burning it to the ground. This is the 4th time they've recovered from fires since I've known's just shocking! Thankfully, no one was hurt! But they're due some goodness so I've searched and found a pair of shoes that dona lost in the last fire..I can't wait to see the look on her face when I give them to her. :)
  • Nic's headed to NY next week so we have to do some packing to get ready to go. The eldest munchkin is headed to the beach with a friend. I'll probably send the youngest munchkin off because I'm looking forward to a week somewhat by myself that to be honest, is WAY overdue. 
Off to eat lunch...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Art Journal Updates

I don't generally share my art journals. But I'm quite happy with how some of them have been turning out lately so here you go if you're interested. Forgive the crappy pictures..I'm afraid I have to use my cell phone for them because I have to do it when I think about it or it wont happen. 

This one is still a work in progress. Something needs to be added but whatever it is, it hasn't presented itself to me as of yet. Scattered-July 2012

I'm fairly certain I'm finished with this was a journal prompt from someone else so I can't say that I was as dedicated to the subject matter as I should have been. Ah well. Seeking Grace -July 2012

I really hate that the pictures don't come through very well. The textures and colors in this one are great. 
Angry Feb 2012

 This one is my favorite so far this year. It's very dark and the meaning behind it was fitting at the time. It's one that I worked on at 4am when I couldnt sleep, hiding in the bathtub so that I didn't disturb anyone. 
Impossible Bend April 2012

 Again, the picture doesnt do it justice. This one is more personal in many many ways...
Need Feb 2012

There's another side to this one..I usually make open faced collages. But this was the only side I was willing to share right now. 
Self June 2012

Ticked off Thursday

I'm irritated (HA!) this morning (still), I should say, I've been irritated all night (evening too!) and it has bled (too bad not literally) over into this morning (fucker).

So rather than spew garbage (truth) of no consequence (no one else would care) here (which I'm not allowed to do anyway) about what led (drove/started/pushed) me to this (My own pig-headed stubbornness), I'm going to say...

"Have a lovely Thursday!"

and go take a fucking pill.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

small wreath

small wreath by Mylittlefetish
small wreath, a photo by Mylittlefetish on Flickr.

the funny things i find my hands do while talking on the phone.

Working Wednesday

I really really need to find my coupon book. The awesome Melissa who coupons more than I do, but not enough to be "extreme" reminds me of this when we talk shop, family, kids and shopping. I was so good at it for a few months then it all went to hell.
Also, I actually used my coupons that they give me at CVS yesterday for the first time ever and I was super impressed with the results.

Hopefully, at some point this week, we'll have paperwork done and be setting a date to break ground on our new house. It's exciting, it's frighting and I can't wait. They told us the paper work takes the most time, but I've been adamantly bugging the hell out of them about it. Of course the nearly constant afternoon thunderstorms that rip the plastic holding my roof together each evening don't help my patience. Then I'll get to be all domestic and do all the things I want to do to my house. Well, eventually. LOL

I've been working on my quote journal again. A few years ago, I was on a swap and I was lucky enough that someone I knew, the lovely hisnamaste, got my name. She sent me a beautiful journal that she had decorated and began filling it with quotes, poems and little bits of this and that as I collected them. It's rather full now and I wonder what I'll do with it when it's done.

I keep getting the urge to quilt. I think it's a craft to do later though...perhaps when it's not 104 degrees out.

The book Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children is currently waiting to be read. Perhaps this weekend...

And I have the idea of making a sign for a friends camp ground. They've been hit hard by fires ever since I've known them, the latest one taking the mess hall at the camp ground. I think a hand crafted sign is in good need. I already have a surprise for her coming..a replacement pair of one of the UGLIEST pair of shoes she ever tortured me with that burned in the last fire! Haha She loved those darn shoes...mostly because I thought they were hideous I think.

Other than that...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Thinky Thursday is Thinky

I recognize and accept that I am currently going through a rather icky stage of depression.

There, I said it. I hate it, but I said it. I could throw it out the window, throw on my happy face and fake it (again) but I know it will still be there when no one is looking. It will still creep in and smother me when it can. It will still cause me to stop writing/posting/talking to friends and family because everything I say seems dark and depressive and I HATE that.

See, I tend to be the strong one. I'm the one they lean on, which is great..really. I love that I play that role in the lives of friends and family. And they're all there for me too...but I don't lean well...or easily. I'll sacrifice my own needs (Usually) and my wants (just about always). I have limited concept of "time to myself" (I'm a mom FFS!! We never do!) and even less "space of my own". No, that won't change with the new house... finances and necessity require other things. I've often said that if you add up all the things I have to do, the people I expend energy caring for and dealing with, the work, the loves, teh kids, the house...there aren't enough hours in the day...and the easiest thing to subtract will always be me. But the truth is, I'm my own worst detriment.

It's my own fault..and even though I feel this way, I know at lease one or more people will read this and feel bad for leaning on me. So again..I WOULDN'T CHANGE THAT. Please, for heavens sake, don't take this personally because if you do, I swear, it will make this worse for me.

One of the blogs I read by the awesome Blogess, Jenny Lawson likes to use the motto "Depression Lies". Logically, that's true. I know it's true. I also know depression is a smooth talking motherfucker with a silver tongue that he likes to slip down your throat while he's slow dancing you around a dance floor of broken mirrors before you realize it's choking you. He'll keep you mesmerized with his gaze so that you don't notice that your feet are bleeding and that the rubies he's dangling in front of your eyes are drops of your own blood until it's too late. Depression does lie...but he's damn good at it.

In theory, I should be happy go lucky me. I have a (even though it's somewhat leaky) roof over my head, food in my stomach (Often too much as evidenced by the entire box of oreos I ate last night in an emotional eating mess), a car that goes from a to b and a job that pays for it all...usually. I have two beautiful children who despite driving me crazy, are great kids. I have two wonderful loves who compliment and support two sides of me. I have an excellent family and a fabulous extended family. I'm in mostly good health. The kids are ok. The partners both have health issues but we're dealing with that as we can. Does it all add? Yes. Would I change it? Only parts.

But I wake up wanting to cry most days right now and depression kicks up my anxiety...which makes me a control freak (Yeah. even more so) and causes the depression to worsen..and on and on and on.
I fix where I can. I deal where I have to. I keep my mouth shut and try not to take things personally. Doesn't always work but I've learned to be rather adept with that one. I smile and nod, I forget my worries and deal with kids, work, family home. I'm not different than anyone else...I'm just good at faking it.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Melissa's pie

melissa pie by Mylittlefetish
melissa pie, a photo by Mylittlefetish on Flickr.
A banana split personal sized cake for the awesome Melissa's birthday!

Melissa and I don't go way back..we actually met at work. She tells me I was intimidating as hell when she came in to interview! LOL But once we found the things we had in common (unruly lives, GLBTQ rights, limited use for bullshit and a Love of pinterest!) we became fast friends.

She made the flowers for my wedding, coordinated another friend making the wedding cake and even packed a cooler with champagne and two plastic flutes for us!

So a few months back, she tells me this funny story about having asked for a banana split cake for her birthday for 9 years. FYI, they don't really MAKE banana split cakes unless you pre-order them. Plus I know Melissa has been hella good at eating healthy so making her a full sized cake wasn't an option.

BUT...I rarely forget things like this so I made the above version..her own personal sized banana split cake...Ben & Jerrys Banana split Ice cream in a graham mini pie crust with magic shell, a cherry and a split banana!

Melissa blogs over at Baby Perdomo about her cutie patootie daughter, her awesome husband and various other things! Go read!

Monday, July 2, 2012


Well, the weekend was nothing if not entertaining.

The Bear made it through surgery fine and was the picture of an excellent patient. I am most grateful for this, knowing that I myself, am a terrible patient in so many ways. I survived the weekend with his parental units, a little worse for wear, but all in all, a pleasurable time.  His mother made me happy telling me how much it shows that we love each other and with "oooohhss!" & "ahhhhs!" over the house plans. 

My darling husband was nice enough to send me on my way even though we had a munchkin with chicken pox, and him never having had them. At one point I called and he had 5 children in the house..Masochist or Insanity? You decide. 

Random other things:

  • This (From Random Pictures) made me laugh this morning. 
  • We now have a full count of relatives over 70 who have or want to read the 50 shades of Gray series. *shudders*
  • I laughed at the bears parents serious mistrust of any vegetable that does not primarily consist of starch this weekend. The conversation went much like this:
    • Me: I'll get the Broccoli
    • Mom: B said she wanted Broccoli with the pork roast..I cant find a good roast so I'm going to make spaghetti and meatballs. 
    • Me: Ok, what do you normally make with spaghetti.
    • Mom: Pasta. 
    • Me: ---------------
  • The eldest munchkin is finishing up summer school today and tomorrow. I pray she passes. 
  • We watched "Mirror Mirror" (cute movie, glad I waited for home rental though) and "Hugo" (Very strange..there was little to no follow through with any of the plot lines) this weekend. 
  • To Do list:
    • Find location and time of fireworks this year
    • Upload all of the kids school calender info
    • Check on house paperwork progress
    • Make copies and mail legal  paperwork
    • Find coupon notebook and reorganize (I've slacked here to a horrible degree)
    • RE-pack SELF things in van for returning to their yearly home. I have to get them out of my shed.
    • Try to go to bed at a decent hour so that you can actually follow through with waking up and exercising. I am fail at this lately. 
  • Finish Mennonite in a little black dress so that I can give it to the Bears mom next weekend when I'm there. time.